A Tale of 2 Tails

In my younger years, I went through a phase of dating with the attitude of “why not”.  I would agree to dates that I knew had zero potential.  But practice makes perfect right? This might seem like a bad idea to some, but I saw it as opportunities to sharpen my skills.   I love first dates.  I love the awkwardness and the interview and the oh Im going to strategically grab your arm right now, flip back hair and laugh. (works every time btw)  I honestly believe it was because of these types of dates that make me so comfortable doing it now.  

So I met a guy through a mutual friend.  We texted (no one calls anymore, right?!) and got to know each other a little bit.  He seemed cool.. kinda my type… I knew he would at least be a good time.  So I agreed to finally meet him.  It was a weeknight and we decided to meet for drinks.  Simple. Non threatening. Ill-meet-you-there-so-I-can-leave-early-drinks. He knew what I did for a living (sports), where I went to school (TCU), the kind of things I like to do… etc. This was within the facebook era, so he definitely had a good grasp of my personality.   

When I first saw him, my initial thought was.. well, you definitely are NOT what the pictures looked like.  6’1? Try 5’11 maybe. (guys, dont lie. We’ll know.) Weird, didnt see that sleeve of tattoos in any of your pics.. must have been the angles.  

We met at a local pub that had live music.  We ordered drinks and sat in the back… still within eye shot of people incase this guy was an axe murderer.  Scene: Awkward conversation. Me looking at my watch thinking how long do I have to sit here so its not rude.   I finished my drink and set it on the bar.  As I set it down, the guy next to me looks up and says hello.  He asks how Im doing and strikes up a conversation.  I politely answer but dont want to be too rude to guy #1, so I finish it up and sit back down.  

Guy #1 gets up to put his drink at the bar and chats with guy #2.  Next thing I know my date is trying to fight guy #2.  Literally, for just talking to me.  Ummm what? Are you fucking serious.  Youre lucky I didnt tell you I was going to the bathroom and run for the freaking hills. 

So after I try to diffuse the situation a bit, he sits down.  His defense.. [Guy #2] called you a bitch.  Mmmm.. thats weird, because Im within earshot and he definitely did not.  I appreciate that you think this macho man Im gunna stick up for you might work for some of the silly broads you might go out with, but I am not impressed. 

SHOCKER! Shortly after, I needed to go home! Weird how that happens.  So we walk out and he says, Oh, come to my car, I have a present for you.  This is a first date, mind you.  He says “I think I know you and I think you are really going to like this.”  *doubtful*.

I walk to his car, against my better judgment.. and I shit you not, he pulls out a neon Budweiser beer sign from his car.  He says “Youre a cool girl, so I thought you might like this. Plus there were only 30 of these made ever, its worth some money.  I saw some on ebay.” 

….. dramatic pause …..

Ummmm… what about my job having, private school educating, makeup wearing, dress flowing, pottery barn subscribing, high heel stomping,  I dont drink beer out of a bottle drinking, dirt hating, high maintenance ass told you that a fucking beer sign would go with my decor?? 

But, with the class and gratitude that my Mother taught me, I politely said “Thank you! Are you sure you dont want to keep it?” 

Good thing at the time I had a 20 year brother in a college dorm.  Perfect re-gift. 

Lesson Learned: Go on the date for the experience…. or the story to tell after.